I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
