I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
