I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There r osticjed everywhere
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
