This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
