Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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