I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
