I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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