I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
