"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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