No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
