Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
