We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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