Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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