my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
