He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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