its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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