i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
