my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
