I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
