Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He passed out mid-signature
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
