I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
