I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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