apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
