the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
