I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
