Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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