btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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