I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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