It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
