you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
