I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
