just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize