Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
