So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
