You just made me feel so damn special
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
