Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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