I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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