I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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