if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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