After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
