I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
