I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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