Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
