i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
