Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
your room smells of hookers.
And success
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As shirtless as possible
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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