did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
