Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
