She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
