She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
