He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
