Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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