i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
