I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize