Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
