dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
