If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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