if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
