If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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