I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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