My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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