He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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