I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
