i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
