Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
