i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
