I'm really into asian looking animals
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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