Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
