Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
