did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
