He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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